Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
