There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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