woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
