im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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