I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
