I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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