me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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