i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
