Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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