Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i have two assholes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
