a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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