meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
