DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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