I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
