why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
