I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
