he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
