By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
