You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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