Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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