my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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