Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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