im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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