He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
