can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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