She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
