i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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