so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
