I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
