If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
