I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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