He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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