he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
