so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
