I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
