Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
