It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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