Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
