I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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