HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
