we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
