omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
