wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
