Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
