His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
nutella sex= disaster
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
