you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have tasted many bathrooms
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
