Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
