remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
