how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is classic penis vs brain.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
