I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
ok first of all what the fuck
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize