dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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