my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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