i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
