dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
