Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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