I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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