I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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