I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
