I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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