Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
