You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
