I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize