my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
