"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
