i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
