So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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