Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
