So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
