I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
