I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you.
Bad choice
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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