I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
