Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize