I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
