i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I understand Curling. That high.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
