Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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