what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
