He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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