it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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