Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
