my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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